“To say it out loud is to kill your own childhood.” – An exploration of the first person perspective of barriers to disclosing child sexual abuse

Background: Child sexual abuse (CSA) is a serious threat to a child’s existence and development. Yet, on average it takes 17 years before victims disclose their abuse. Objective: The purpose of this study was to explore barriers to disclose sexual abuse from the perspective of adult survivors of CSA. Participants and Setting: 12 survivors of CSA (nine women and three men), aged 18–57 years old. The study was conducted in one of the largest cities in Norway where there has been a particular focus on disclosure of sexual abuse. Methods: We conducted semi-structured interviews, and interview transcripts were analyzed using a hermeneutic-phenomenological approach to thematic analysis. Results: Our analysis resulted in three themes: Fear of reprisals; CSA stains – Negative implications for self-representation; and The complicating effect of ambiguity. Conclusions: Our main finding was that CSA affects self-representation in ways that become significant barriers to disclosure. An important and unexpected implication of our findings is that society’s focus on informing people about CSA to facilitate disclosure, might instead, work as a barrier. Thus, it is crucial to explore this potential effect further when developing future interventions to facilitate early disclosure of CSA.