‘I want to support her but also want to protect her’: The gendered parenting practices of LGBTQ+ parents

Over the past decade, there has been a gradual shift away from traditional binary views of gender and towards a broader recognition of gender identities as existing on a spectrum. Despite this, public attitudes about gender diversity are nuanced and complex, and the greater visibility of transgender and nonbinary individuals has brought with it simultaneous acceptance and controversy. While some parents have become more open to their children subverting traditional gender norms in the context of these shifts, others remain concerned about potential negative consequences for gender nonconforming children. LGBTQ+ parents, in particular, remain under scrutiny for their gender/sexuality and ability to raise children. Little research has addressed the tensions that these parents experience when making decisions about the gender socialization of their children, and what exists suggests greater flexibility and openness among this parent population compared to heterosexual parents. The present study examines a unique group of LGBTQ+ parents (N = 40) who reported higher than average levels of investment in their child(ren)’s conformity to gender norms compared to a larger sample of LGBTQ+ parents. Specifically, this study aimed to understand (1) the factors and processes that contributed to relatively high levels of investment among these parents, and (2) the gender socialization practices they described engaging in with their children. Utilizing reflexive thematic analysis of open-ended survey responses, we identified three themes relevant to these aims: Balancing Internal Safety with External Risk; Navigating Individual Queerness in a Queer Family Context; and Children Lead, Parents Follow. These themes illustrate parents’ concerns, hopes, and consideration of complex individual and systemic factors as they navigated the gender socialization process with their children.